Bottom Line: Did My Therapist Actually Insult Me?
What My Psychologist Said To Piss Me Off…
I’m a huge proponent of cognitive behavioral therapy (a.k.a., “talk therapy”, a.k.a. “psychotherapy”, a.k.a., “counseling”). Why? Because none of us make it through life unblemished by pain, confusion, and/or grief. Everyone can benefit from talking things over with an unbiased outsider sometimes, right?
I’ve been in therapy off and on for about 17 years due to depression and anxiety. Sometimes I’ve gone years without a depressive episode (and the requisite therapy). However, now is a season in my life where I’ve needed and benefited for the mental health support.
However, what happens when you’ve built a great rapport with your therapist only to have them say something culturally insensitive or inappropriate? I don’t mean that they say something challenging — that’s to be expected if you’re really putting in the necessary work to make therapy worthwhile. No, I mean what if they say something offensive?
Here’s what happened in a session last week. We were talking about how adrift I’ve felt lately. She asked:
Therapist: What one thing would you like to share with your husband about being bisexual?
Me: I guess I feel like I’m not really accepted anywhere. I mean, I’m not straight, but I also feel like I’m unwelcome by some within the LGBTQ+ community because I’ve come out as a married, monogamous person and won’t be exploring my attraction to women and gender nonconforming people.
She explained that sometimes, those who’ve experienced discrimination or bullying can turn around and be unwelcoming. However, their desire to be gatekeepers doesn’t negate the validity of my belonging. That made complete sense, because sometimes those that are bullied become the bullier.
But, then she turned a corner that had me scratching my head…
Therapist: I’m sure a part of your bisexualtiy revolves around issues of feminism and social justice.
My response?
Therapist: What is it about women that you find so appealing now?
Me: Uh…
Therapist: You know sometimes people get a lot of positive feedback when they first come out. Eventually, it becomes old news and nobody cares. I think you’ve reached that stage. We need to think about why you’re looking for outside validation and approval.
Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive — respond below or on my Facebook page and let me know what you think — but, as a Black woman in America with a Black family, I’ve got plenty of social justice issues on my plate already, thank you very much. As a female software engineer in a male-dominated industry, feminism is already a huge part of my mindset.
After leaving the office, I began to rehash the session in my head. Why had it made me so uncomfortable at the time? Why did it feel so off-putting?
Was she implying that bisexuality is a choice? Did she basically just say that that people come out to get attention? Is my therapist, who always seemed very LGBTQ+ friendly indulging in biphobia?
Imagine a scenario where the patient is straight. Would the therapist have implied that the patient had a political agenda causing their straightness? Would she have asked a someone who was straight to explain why they choose to be attracted to the opposite sex?
What do you think? Am I being overly touchy or rightly offended?
